His silence hit me harder than his hands or his harsh words ever could... It pierced me deeper and deeper every day, with severe and more intense pain every minute, every second... It is almost a week or maybe just 6 days since his display of inaffection, coldness, indifference... This is not the first time I have experienced this... But this time it's different... It's completely different such that I'm torn between blaming him, blaming myself and blaming no-one... No I am not in vain because I'm much stronger than yesterday but I don't have any grievances towards him since I don't blame him entirely or even slightly or perhaps I felt somewhere that I have lost this right... I have seen much worse and cruel days in my life before, I have been broken, heartbroken, distressed, embarrassed many times before but never have been insulted so badly before such as to question my whole existence without any qualms, the very fact that I am living in his home, eating from his hard-earned money, sleeping on his bed, etc. etc... I hate my existence, my life but the worst part that I hate is that I am doing all of this with a peculiar ease, smile and inner peace and comfort while my guilt and shame is eating into me, piercing me inside-out, each day, every minute, every second...
